Tips for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

Writing your own wedding vows sounds incredibly romantic until you sit down, stare at a blank page, and realize you have to somehow put your entire relationship into words.

Where do you even start?

The good news is that your vows don’t need to sound like they came from a movie. In fact, they’re usually better when they don’t. The best wedding vows sound like you. They can be sweet, funny, emotional, simple, or a little bit of everything.

If you’re ready to start writing but have no idea what to say, here are a few tips to make it a whole lot easier.

1. Talk About Your Vows Before You Write Them

You don’t have to share what you’re going to say, but it’s a good idea to agree on a few basics before either of you starts writing. Are you going sentimental or keeping things light? Are jokes okay? How long should your vows be? Are there any stories that are completely off-limits? You don’t need identical vows, but having a general game plan can prevent one person from delivering a hilarious 30-second speech while the other has prepared six emotional pages. And if one of you wants to keep your vows completely private until the ceremony, that’s okay too. Agreeing on the general tone and length is usually enough.
2. Start with your story

Before you worry about making anything sound beautiful, think about the two of you. What did you first notice about your partner? When did you realize this relationship was different? What have you been through together? What do you love about the life you’ve built? You don’t need to tell your entire love story during your ceremony. Choose one or two memories or qualities that say something bigger about your relationship. Sometimes the smallest stories make the best vows.
3. Think About What You Love About Them Now

Your vows don’t have to be entirely about how you met or how your relationship began. Think about the person standing in front of you today. What do they do that makes your life better? What makes you laugh? What do you admire about them? What makes you feel loved? What little thing about them would you miss immediately if it disappeared? Those details are what make personalized wedding vows feel like they could only belong to the two of you.
4. Make Actual Promises

They’re called vows for a reason. Along with telling your partner how much you love them, think about what you genuinely want to promise them as you enter this next chapter together. Some promises can be big: supporting their dreams, standing beside them through difficult seasons, or continuing to choose each other as life changes. Others can sound much more like the two of you. Maybe you promise to always save them the last bite, keep planning adventures together, pretend not to notice when they watch the next episode without you, or make the coffee when you’re the first one awake. A mix of meaningful and personal promises can make your vows feel especially authentic.
5. Write like you actually talk

You do not suddenly need to become a poet because you’re getting married. If you would never say something in everyday life, you probably don’t need to say it in your vows either. Read everything out loud as you write. If a sentence feels awkward coming out of your mouth, change it. Your vows should sound like you’re talking to the person you love, not presenting an essay to the room. And yes, it is completely okay to be funny. If humor is a big part of your relationship, it would probably feel stranger to leave it out. The goal isn’t to make every guest laugh or cry. It’s to make the person standing across from you recognize you in every word.
6. Keep Them Around Two Minutes

You don’t have to fit your entire relationship into your vows. For most couples, somewhere around one to two minutes per person is plenty of time to say something meaningful without feeling like you need to write a novel. And after seeing plenty of ceremonies at 10 South, our venue team will tell you that the vows couples remember most aren’t necessarily the longest ones. They’re the ones that feel genuine.
Once you have a draft, read it aloud and time yourself. You may be surprised by how much longer something takes to say than it does to read silently. And remember, you’ll probably be speaking a little more slowly on your wedding day.

“The vows that get me every time are the ones that sound completely like the couple. It doesn’t have to be perfectly written. A little inside joke, a story only the two of them fully understand, or a simple promise can end up being the part of the ceremony everyone remembers.”

Alyssa, associate director of marketing

7. Give Yourself Time

Please don’t start writing your vows while you’re getting your hair done on the morning of your wedding. You can, but Future You would probably appreciate a little more preparation. Start jotting down thoughts in the weeks leading up to your wedding. Keep a note on your phone and add memories, promises, phrases, or little things you love about your partner whenever they come to mind. When it’s finally time to sit down and write, you won’t be starting with a completely blank page.
8. Practice Them Out Loud

You don’t need to memorize your wedding vows. Actually, we’d rather you didn’t put that kind of pressure on yourself. But you should read them aloud a few times before the wedding. Practicing helps you catch sentences that feel unnatural, figure out where you want to pause, and become comfortable enough with your words that you can actually look up at your partner while you’re saying them. And what if you cry? You probably won’t be the first person to cry while reading their vows at 10 South, and you definitely won’t be the last. Pause. Take your time. Laugh if you need to. Wipe away the tears and keep going. Those imperfect, emotional moments are often the ones that make the ceremony feel the most real.
9. Decide Whether You Want to Share Them Before the Ceremony

Some couples want their vows to be a complete surprise. Others feel much better knowing they’re on the same page before standing in front of their guests. There’s no right answer. If you don’t want to read each other’s vows beforehand, you could ask your officiant, wedding planner, or someone you trust to read both and make sure they’re relatively similar in tone and length. You can also exchange private letters before the ceremony and save your actual vows for the altar. Do whatever makes the moment feel most comfortable and meaningful for the two of you.
10. Keep the Final Version Somewhere Better Than Your Phone

Once your vows are finished, write or print them somewhere you’ll feel comfortable reading from during the ceremony. A vow book, beautiful card, or even a nice piece of paper will photograph much better than holding your phone at the altar. It also gives you something tangible to keep after the wedding. And give them to someone you trust before the ceremony so you aren’t responsible for remembering where you put them while approximately 47 other things are happening.

The Best Wedding Vows Sound Like You

There is no perfect formula for writing wedding vows.

You don’t have to make everyone laugh. You don’t have to make everyone cry. And you definitely don’t need to write the most profound declaration of love anyone has ever heard.

You just need to talk to your person.

Tell them why you love them, what this relationship means to you, and what you’re promising as you build a life together.

Those are the words that matter.

And if you need a little more help while planning your wedding, keep exploring South of the Aisle, the 10 South blog, for wedding planning advice, inspiration, and ideas from a team that gets to see weddings happen every week.

For even more wedding planning ideas, follow @10southvenue on Instagram and TikTok and 10 South Venue on Pinterest for real weddings, ceremony inspiration, behind-the-scenes moments, and plenty of ideas for making your wedding day your own.